Firstly, let me assure you that I will never get married again. An “old” friend told me I’d had enough bites at that cherry and it is a sentiment that I am inclined to agree with. I haven’t lived with a man for more than 15 years no matter how intensively I dated the man of the moment. I rather like the single life – the coming and going at will, the making decisions without being held to account and, although there are occasional moments of missed domesticity, for me the most I would agree to would be the “My Wife Next Door” scenario.

But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the whole wedding industry. I watch programmes like Don’t Tell The Bride and have looked at Pinterest Fantasy Weddings to see all the different ways of celebrating a union that there are.

So firstly the wedding march music would be


or if I’m incredibly old by then I’ll shuffle in on my zimmer with…


or this

Arrival of the Queen of Sheba


The dress could not be white, obviously but I rather like some alternative colours and styles.